I can be a little bit of a control freak. I like to know the plan. I like to know I will be successful in what lies before me. I am a creature of habit and being drawn out of my comfort zone into the unknown is definitely unnerving.

Since grade 11, I had a life plan where I would get my undergrad and where I would go to do my master’s program. So it was a significant leap of faith when I took a year away from my studies to work on a college campus. I left the comfort of my family and home in Saskatchewan to move to the Lower Mainland. I was twenty and excited about the adventure. 

After 10 years of loving my work on campus, it was unexpected and unsettling when I started to feel like I should step away from this work. I was happy where I was and I was still successful in the work. Why was something inside me drawing me elsewhere without any direction of where I was to go or what I was to do next?

As the new academic year began, much to my surprise the things that I had been doing for so many years became burdensome and taxing. I was pressed to my limits and found myself having a diminished capacity to serve as I typically would. I was required to lean on my team in ways that I wasn’t expecting as I stepped back from some of my responsibilities. My last year on campus was one of the most challenging of my career.

‍The restlessness in my heart only grew. 

I started to wonder, is this God? Is He trying to tell me to do something else? If so, why isn’t He making the next step more clear? 

I knew God was the one who had led me to start this work and now it was becoming clear throughout the season of struggle and mounting restlessness that he was leading me to step away from it. Despite having clarity that I was being called to something new, it took another leap of faith to step away from the comfort of what I had been doing for so long.  This was especially difficult when I still was uncertain of what would come next. Yet, I knew that I needed to try to trust that God knew what He was doing—He would lead me to the next right step. 

Over the years of trying to follow Jesus, I had learned that He will lead me and that He will take care of the details if I allow Him. It was unbearable for the girl who typically has a plan to walk through this season of uncertainty. I felt directionless. I continued to ask God to show me His plan. He responded over and over with giving me a budding sense of hope. There was a rapidly growing anticipation of the adventure he would call me to.  

After what felt like an eternity of praying and waiting, I received an invitation to spend a semester in Uganda. It was an unexpected surprise to have an opportunity like this come up. It was an adventure of a lifetime, that only came with waiting on God. I knew He was calling me to seize the moment. 

Being far from the comfort of family and friends led me to learn to lean into a deeper friendship with the Lord. It was filled with so many life-giving moments that I never could have imagined.

These experiences have shown me that even when I have no idea where I’m going or what God is doing in my life, I need to place my trust in Him. I have seen that He is always looking out for me. I have learned that He has adventures waiting for me. 

Far too soon I found myself back on Canadian soil with the same feelings of uncertainty as before. One door closed and the next one still not opened or clear—I was unsure where I would land next.

This time, even though I was uncertain, I was… excited. God probably had something far more exciting than I would have planned—in the waiting and in the destination. That’s what He had proven over and over.

My mom always said, “When God closes one door He will open another… but sometimes it’s hell in the hallways!” When I was younger, it always made me laugh, but now echoed with the truth. In times when God has closed a door and I find myself in the hallways waiting to know which door to open next, I’ve found Him right there with me. I’ve seen how he allows these times to strengthen my faith and to grow my trust in him. Despite the discomfort I still feel in these moments I have also come to know He has great things waiting for me around the corner. 

In Jeremiah 29:11, He tells us, “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.” Even in the moments when I am in the hallways, uncertain of what is next, He has proved so many times that his plans for me are always good.